savesthedance | voicemail;

[Possibly. But he's not about to rat out his helper.]

dies it realy matter......if she wantss those y dnt u get them for hr

[He has no money. He spent it all on the tower and the company.]

I'm the

the

the

[Can you tell he's actually having JARVIS transcribe his replies?]

Fuckbuddy? Stable-ish relationship person? Asdjklfjds JARVIS make sure you're not actually writing that!

Her Tony, there that's better. I have to get her something more personal.

Iiiiiiii ddnt follow that sory

What do you mean you don't follow I didn't say anything...

JARVIS, DID YOU JUST WRITE ALL THAT DOWN?! (I did and I'm sorry you had to see all of this, Captain. But I believe it was in his best interests.

Mr. Stark is currently throwing a tantrum.

Mr. Stark is making rather rude gestures at the cameras.

Would you like a video of this, Captain?)

Uhh what im confsed

[How was he supposed to know JARVIS could text for Tony?]

jdklf;jskldvjlwiejfsidklhwesfkjlslfjdlkjeidfkjlskjldgv

(This is JARVIS, Mr. Stark's personal AI. You may assume that anything within the brackets is my own personal remarks and anything out of them is Mr. Stark's. Unfortunately, he has given orders to transcribe his words so while they are unintelligible I am forced to send them to you.)

FUCK, DOOFUS. I'M NOT ON FIRE WHY DID YOU JUST DOUSE ME? JESUS, YOU'RE WORSE THAN DUM-E. Okay, that was a tiny fire, but it wasn't going to kill me.

Give me that.

Okay, Rogers. You didn't see any of this and you definitely didn't see me calling Pepper my fuckbuddy. I want to be able to continue to get laid.

Don't cockblock me.

[He's so unsure right now, and not for the reasons anyone else would be.]

Ok......but i dnt knoww hat that means

(Which part would you like me to elaborate further on, Captain?)

Hat? They're the things you put on your head.

(I apologize for him.)

no tat block thngf

[The look currently on his face is so devious. JARVIS is worried. Steve should be worried too if he could see it.]

(I highly suggest ignoring him.

Cockblocking is an informal colloquial term used to say that an action has prevented someone from having sexual intercourse. In this case, Mr. Stark believes that if Ms. Potts were to ever see the contents of this conversation, she would rightfully be angered and withhold sexual intercourse from him as punishment.)

JARVIS, you better not be interfering.

Cockblocking is stopping someone from getting laid, fucking, doing the horizontal tango, the beast with two backs, inserting tab A into slot B, threading the hole, sow their oats, plugging the hole, fill her cream donut, score a homerun, plant their seed. But you'd probably know it as pitching woo or making whoopee. Those are truly terrible examples, good thing the world has moved on from that.

And so help me if you do this to me I'll make sure you and Agent Carter never ever get a moment's peace... not that you've done it yet. Trust me, I'd know if you did. Do you need tips? If the couple is inexperienced sometimes they might benefit from the presence of a more experienced individual.

(Run, Captain.)

Edited 2012-05-17 21:14 (UTC)

oh

Is that a yes?

[La dee da, pulling up his cameras to see Steve's expression.]

no

[As he won't tell her. And please don't look at his face, he's rather flustered.]

[That's why he's getting copies made to stick to random places in the tower. In fact, hello that is your flustered face on the screen in the wall in front of you.]

One word answers now? Okay I can do that.

Grunt. Huff. Hnn.

i wont tel her ok happu

You really like that gif, don't you.

Fine, I'll skip the sex ed in exchange for your silence.

But I've got to tell you. If you don't fulfil her needs, eventually she's going to go looking elsewhere for them.

gif/? my lovee lfe isnty our bisness

(An animated picture is colloquially called a gif after the file extension that supports it.)

Welcome to the 21st century. Your love life is now considered the news. Hopefully your one night stands won't sell details about your dick to magazines like they did mine.

uhhh what

[Strange terms, and....he's only got eyes for Peggy, not that they've even done that. And she would never sell him out?]

That reminds me. I'm asking out of purely scientific curiosity by the way, it's either this or the shield and I'm pretty sure you sleep with that shield so this seems like the safer bet.

Did the serum really make everything bigger? Like really everything?

[yes, he legit just sent a blank text. Because he had no idea how to even respond to that, and he accidentally hit the send button. The keys were seriously too small on this thing.]

JARVIS, did I just kill Captain America?

Shit, don't be dead. Don't be dead. Come on bring up the cameras in his room.

[...]

Jesus Christ, you scared me there. Hello?

srry sent thaat ona acccciden

[NO COMMENT ON THE PREVIOUS COMMENT.]

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Yeah, don't do that again. I've got a bad ticker, remember.

i remeember just didnt kno u carred wat happpens to me

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